Dear Non-Pregnant Person

We are pregnant with our fourth (yes, I said FOURTH) child. I've come to realize that sometimes, there are things that need to be told to the 'non-pregnant' friends & family members. Here is a letter to help them understand.

Dear Non-Pregnant Person, I hope you find these guidelines helpful in your interactions with pregnant women as failing to follow them may result in serious physical harm. If you are thinking, SURELY she doesn't mean me- then you NEED to read this. Twice.

1) The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a baby is "Congratulations!" with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you an a$$.

2) Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and father- not grandparents. Unless the baby is in your uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use the phrase "my baby".

3) On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in #2, the pregnancy, birth and raising of the child are not about you. You do not have input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it.

4) The body of a pregnant women should be treated the same as any other body. You would not randomly touch someone's stomach if they were not pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy from a woman.

5) Likewise, no women wants to hear comments on her weight- ever. A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about is pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her face. Telling her she looks too small only makes her worry that she is somehow starving her baby. Making such comments invite her to critique your physical appearance and you may not act offended. The only acceptable comment on appearance is "You look fabulous!".

6) By the time we are 20-30 years old, most of us have picked up on the fact that the summer is hot. We are hot every summer when we are not pregnant. We don't need you to point out that we will be miserably hot before the baby comes.

7) There is a reason that tickets to L&D are not yet sold on Ticketmaster. Childbirth is actually not a public event. It may sound crazy, but some women really do not relish the idea of their mother, mother-in-law or a host of other family members seeing their bare butt and genitals. Also, some people simply feel like the birth of their child is a private and emotional moment to be shared only by the parents.

8) Like everything else is life, unless you receive an invitation, you are NOT invited. This includes doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery, the hospital and the parents home. You do not decide if you will be there for the birth or if you will move in with the new parents to "help out". If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will be asked for it.

9) If you are asked to help after the birth, this means you should clean up the house, help with cooking meals, help out with our other children and generally stay out of the way. Holding the baby more than the parents, interfering with breastfeeding and sleeping schedules, trying to take over all newborn care and making a woman who is still leaking fluid from multiple locations lift a finger in housework is NOT helping.

10) The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents & any of their other children. Whether they choose to have you at the hospital for the birth or ask for you to wait three weeks to visit, appreciate that you are are being given the privilege of seeing their child. Complaining or showing disappointment only encourages the parents to include you less.

Signed,

The Pregnant One

Being Scottish & Elton John

We found out last Friday that Elton John was coming to our nearest city for 2 shows. Can you believe that?? 2 SHOWS!!

I almost had a spazz attack. I LOVE Elton John. The day the tickets went on-sale J (hubs) went online and managed to get us tickets. Both shows sold out in 4 minutes. (jaw drop) 4 minutes!!!!! Holy Crap!! In my pregnant state, I probably would have fell to the floor and cried for a week if we didn't get tickets. Mind you...dropping an egg make me cry..sooo.....*rolls eyes* anywhooo...for a couple days now J has been randomly singing various bits of Elton John's songs. No biggie right? Well....he sings in a horrible fake Scottish accent. He also randomly spouts off quotes ( in this fake accent) from 'So I Married an Axe Murderer'.

It was this Scottish accent that actually had our eldest daughter believing we were half Scottish when she was 8.

Sierra was in Brownies a few years ago and her group was having 'Culture Days'. Everyone was to bring a dish of thier favorite cultural food & talk about thier various cultural backgrounds. Sierra brought Chili. (We're not even going there).

Sierra took my mother-in-law as her guest, and they went around the circle talking about thier cultural backgrounds. Okay....we are Plains Cree, Metis & Italian. No Scottish anywhere. So Sierra's turn comes up, everyone turns to look at her and the Brownie leader asks Sierra about her background. I should mention here that Sierra tends to panick when everyone is looking at her expectantly. So she says she is a mixture of Cree & Scottish background & talks a bit of cultural things we eat & do. I don't even know what she could have talked about.

She comes home and we ask her how it went & she says she told everyone about her being Cree & Scottish. We all burst out laughing and tell her she's not Scottish and she laughs and rolls around on the couch. After everyone catches thier breath, we ask her what made her think she's half Scottish. She tells us that when she was asked she said Cree & drew a blank at the rest of her background.....but she heard her dad's voice in her head saying in a fake Scottish accent: "Scottish...say Scottish".

So she blurted out Scottish.

For 2 years after that (Until I became a Brownie leader) everyone involved in Brownies thought we were half Scottish.

Yup. Makes sense to me. I can just hear the town locals: "You know....that Scottish girl.....Sierra Tupone.....her dad is that big Scottish looking guy.....name of Mr Gugliano Tupone, you know him."

Too horrible to be true???

I took my kids to play at the beach since it was reasonably sunny & hot (we've been having steady rain) so everyone put on shorts, and augh...none of mine fit my pregnant self. So I slapped in a tank top & one of those wrap-around skirts. I tied it in a knot in the side and loaded everyone up and away we went.

After a few hours, the wind was really picking up and it started to drizzle. So we packed up and got back in the van.

I decided to get gas before we left so we could drive around the lake. I get out, pump the gas and than opened my van door to tell the kids I'll be right back and I shut the door.

I took two steps and a gust of wind RIPPED MY SKIRT OFF and it went blowing away and stuck to the window of the gas station.

I'm standing in shock in front of hundreds of beach folk & in my tank top & panty & sandles. I scramble back to the van & sit in humiliation trying to convince my 9yr old to go get my skirt off the window of the store.

The cashier was kind enough to come out and pull my skirt off the window and bring it to me....all so I could put it back on and go in the store with no pride & stand in line to pay for my gas.

I think I was Bridget Jones in a former life.

2 minutes 22 seconds!

Our home is usually pretty loud when everyone is home & lounging in the living room. Especially when we are getting prepped for a family movie nite.

There was one night in particular when everyone was especially loud. Hubs was getting the DVD ready and talking to me, Fiorella (our 3 yr old) was yelling & insisting we had to watch Dora. Mercedes (our 9yr old) put herself in charge of snacks and was asking if 2 popcorn bags were enough, Sierra (our 11 yr old) was yelling who knows what from downstairs. Then came the infamous popcorn debate.

Mercedes yells out to her dad, asking how long to put the microwave popcorn in for, so I pipe up: 3-3-3

dad yells out: 2-3-3

I yell out: Maybe try 3-0-0

Sierra calls out from the basement stairs: 3-3-2-1-4-9-9

*silence*

Hubs, Merc & I all look at each other in confusion

Fiorella yells out: I said Dora!!

I say again: 3-0-0

Mercedes says: 2-4-5 maybe...

Dad insists: 2-3-3 it will burn at 3-0-0

Fiorella is now counting: 1-2-3-4-5-6-9-7-4-8

Sierra is now on the couch and has been repeating: 3-3-2-1-4-9-9

Mercedes says: I`ll try 2-2-2

microwave is now on

Sierra once again rolls her eyes at us all and says very loudly and slowly: I said 3-3-2-1-4-9-9

We all look at her and hubs asks her: What are you talking about

Sierra says: Our phone number. What are you guys talking about

Dad: Popcorn

We all burst out laughing.

Yup....never a day without a laugh at our home.

Who Needs Cable??

People are always a little bit suprised whenever it comes up that we don't have cable...or satellite. We've been cable/satellite free for 2 years. Every few months my mother-in-law will offer to pay for satellite for us, but of course we refuse. Its not about money. Its a couch potato issue.

Our daughters (okay, okay and us) were SERIOUS couch potatoes. From the minute they woke up to the minute they got home from school, they were vegged out like zombies in front of the TV until bedtime. One day we had enough, and cut it off.

Everyone suffered. At one time or another we each begged for it to be hooked back up. But we've been through the re-hab program & now are all living a life free of cable.

Our kids reading levels also went through the roof. In one year our eldest daughter's reading level jumped up 4 grades. Our middle daughter moved up 3 levels. They now read at at a grade 12 & a grade 10 level. Yes...I'm bragging. You have no idea how proud I am about my daughters' brains.

But I swear, this won't turn into a "brag-a-thon" *smirk*.

Life with out TV has made us more aware of how funny life is. Well for me anyways. I'm pretty sure the same can be said for my Hubs. There is always something funny that happens at least once an evening.....most times, more than once. Or maybe I am just cruel & laugh at my kids too much.

Anyways, our middle daughter:Mercedes, is a serious bookworm. She wakes up & reads before coming out of her room, she reads while brushing her teeth, she reads while eating, she reads while walking to school. Saying she likes books is an understatement.

She brought a note home today that made me & her dad burst out laughing. Its the absurdity of it that is funny. Or....maybe you just had to be there...or just be a cruel TV deprived parent who doesn`t know whats funny anymore. LOL!

The note said:

*We will be having a special pizza lunch for those students who reached the goal of achieving 200 book points.*

See above pic for how many book points Mercedes achieved. *grin*

Like everyone else, I'm just trying to be an individual

I decided to jump on the band wagon and create my own blog....why? I'm not to sure myself, but all I know is that it seems everyone out there has one & I suddenly felt like I was missing out on something.

Do I have profound words to share with everyone? Probably not.....but I'm positive millions of readers out there are dying to know what goes in my life as a full-time stay-at-home mom. Okay, maybe not millions.....but I'm sure I can convince my sister & maybe a couple friends to read it once in awhile. While you're at it....feel free to press 'refresh screen' a couple times so I can be fooled into thinking there are more readers than there really are. *wink*

This morning I was faced with a few options to do in my daily activities:
1) finish the quilt I started 4 months ago
2) clean the living room (again)
3) sort clothes & box them away
4) go play with the dog
5) call my sister
6) check out weddingbells & all the WBers Blogs
7) organize my kitchen counter & clean the fridge


As usual, I chose to:
1) check out weddingbells & WBers Blogs
2) call my sister
3) check out weddingbells again

But today I also did something totally different. I started a blog after feeling like I was the only one out there without a blog & thinking I was totally missing out somehow by not asserting myself as an individual & writing words of wisdom or words of funy in a blog.....just like everyone esle.